Digital etiquettes

Based on true events.

I was at a family event. My mother asked me to meet an elderly aunt. So I accompanied my mother and both of us went to speak with this elderly aunt. She asked us about what was going on in our lives. I gave only trivial information whereas my mother gave all the specifics and spoke at length. My mother mentioned to her that my sister had given birth to my nephew. The aunt wanted to see his pictures. I opened the gallery of my phone to show her the picture. I specifically opened his picture and showed it to my aunt. She took the phone out of my hand to get a closer look. I did not mind it. But after 20 seconds, she showed me another picture on my phone and asked me who was the guy in the picture (it was a group picture I had received from office group and I was not even in the picture). This really made me angry. It was invasion of digital privacy. I took the phone out of her hands.

I am sure I am not the only one who has experienced this. Every person who has lived in the recent times must have experienced this somewhere. While the pictures are being shown on phone, tab, or laptop people swipe to left or right. Most people only have the curiosity or they want to see more pictures. Most people do not mean any harm and do not have any malicious intent. Yet there would be a lot of people who would be willing to go through your phone. They would be willing to see what is there in your phone. They want to watch all the pictures and videos in your phone with a malicious intent. Though I see this behavior mostly in the elderly crowd, but younger generation is also guilty of doing this. Hence in today's times the people should be taught about digital etiquettes.

We need to educate people about this. When someone is showing you a picture, video, or any digital media for that matter on their device, first we should not take the device out of their hands. If the media is not visible we should politely ask them if they can put the device closer. If the owner of the device is comfortable with this request, then probably they will hand over the device to you. Irrespective of whether the device is in your hands or not, you should not swipe left, right, up, or down. Just see the media which the owner of the device wishes to show you and hand the device back to them. If you are curious and wish to see more, then request them so. Tell them that you would like to see more pictures or videos. Let the decision be at the discretion of the device owner if they wish to show you more pictures or videos. Do not make the decision yourself to swipe through their device and see more pictures. This is invasion of privacy and nothing else. To this I would also like to add something. If you want to swipe anywhere on your own device you have the complete freedom to do that but someone else is device has no business in your hands. Definitely avoid browsing through their device.

This is one simple etiquette that unfortunately needs to be taught in the recent times. It is not only applicable to the elderly generation but even to every generation. Feel free to educate yourself and your family because the charity begins at home.

I was I travelling in the bus. There was a woman seated next to me. She appears to be a little younger than me. She was watching some content on her phone. Not using the headphones but using the full speaker volume. It gave me headache. I waited for 5 minutes. The speaker was still on blasting the full volume. I don't know what she was watching but that was very loud. I politely requested her to reduce the volume. In return I got nothing but angry looks, as if I was asking her to handover her belongings.

I am sure this must have happened with you as well. This incident is why I feel we need another lesson in digital etiquettes. This lesson is: Not to use speaker in public places.

I used to think that this is a very basic etiquette, but I have seen that most of the people do not follow it. I have seen that a lot of people in public places do not use the headphones and rather put everything on speaker. Do they think that they are doing Public Service by making everybody listen to the content that they are watching? Do they think that it is normal to play everything on speaker? Do they think that everybody around them wants to listen to the content that they are watching? Do they think they have the power to decide what should fall on everybody else's ears who are around them? I think that nowadays people have lost there capacity to think.

I see this everywhere that people have put the content on speaker. When anybody tells them to reduce the volume they get upset. And then they play The Victim card. They would ask something like is it a crime to watch their favorite show in public? Why does everybody target the young women? Why does nobody care about the elderly? It is uncomfortable to use headphone. It is harmful to use the headphones. They come up with thousands of justifications and excuses to show that they are the victims of the situation. People easily get offended when they are told to reduce the volume of the content. This is completely baffling to me.

I completely agree that it is uncomfortable to use the headphones at all times. Being someone with ear disorders I completely understand how harmful it is to use the headphones. However the ask is very simple: do not expose others to the content that you intend to watch. Nobody is forcing you to consume the content in the public spaces. Go to your home or any private area and watch the content anyway you want. You have no right to disrupt the order of the public spaces.

I believe it is a very simple etiquette that need to be taught to everyone nowadays. It takes little awareness and mindfulness to understand that no one is entitled to live the life the way they want it. There are certain rules and etiquettes to be followed so that everybody can stay comfortable. Hence I would request all of you to please reduce the volume of the content in the public species or watch the content using the headphones in the public spaces, it is for the benefit of everyone.

Ever since intnet became affordable, people started behaving like lunatics. Their behavior started getting worse with every second they spent on internet. One such behavior is obsession with video calls.

My first encounter with the craze/obsession of video calls was in my office. Once I saw a woman making a video call from the restroom. She had the camera focused on her and was speaking with someone on the video call, exposing the enter restroom area. I felt really uncomfortable. Restroom is a safe space. It is a space where we adjust our clothes. It needs to remain a safe space. I politely told her to not make video calls from restroom along with the logic. But this woman got offended. She started to squabble. I asked her a simple question, "would you like a stranger on someone's video call to see you adjusting your clothes?" She had no answer. This question made her realise what she was doing and how it was wrong.

This was not an isolated incident. I had seen a lot of people making video calls from inappropriate places. I had seen people making video calls to their friends from office cafeteria to show the cafeteria food. Once I saw a girl making a video call to a friend to show a "cute" guy from the office (here the guy did not know he was being filmed). I saw a person making video call in a no photography/filmography area (restricted secure zone). When security guards confiscated their phone they cried foul, suggesting they did not break any rule as they did not take pictures or videos (like seriously?) These were some of the inappropriate instances which I could easily remember. But overall I had seen a sharp rise in video calls in the recent years.

I am not against video calls. I completely understand that video calls are important, they make us feel connected. I have concerns with the places from where video calls are being made. I have issue with filming people without their consent. Video calls that may make others uncomfortable completely irk me.

Those who wish to make video calls, go ahead with them. But first be aware of your surroundings. Make sure if you are at an appropriate place. Look around to see if your video call would make anybody uncomfortable. Check your surroundings to understand if video calls are permitted where you are. Read the room and read the rules. Also, give a little thought if you would be fine if anybody else filmed you in form of a video call.

Nowadays where security and data privacy are concerns, irresponsible video calls add to this burden. Hence, I believe right usage of video calls is a digital etiquette that needs to taught to everyone having a cell phone in their hands. It is the need of the hour. Any innovation or technology is beneficial when it is used carefully. Video calls is a great innovation, but in wrong hands it will be lethal. Let's make a pact to use the technology carefully and impart this knowledge to family and friends.

I was travelling in a bus. I was watching a cat video on my phone. I had muted the video so that I would not disturb anybody. I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder. I don't around to see a woman seated behind me. Smiled at me and she asked me politely, "can you give the phone to my son? He loves watching animal videos". This was definitely a bizarre request. I denied but then it made me think. This was a classic case of shoulder surfing.

Shoulder surfing is an activity known with computers. However in recent times I believe this should be extended for the to mobile phones and tabs as well. Shoulder surfing on the computers is prohibited for data security concerns and it should also be prohibited for the mobile phones too. This brings me neatly to the digital etiquette: Do not shoulder surf.

This is not just one incident. I am pretty sure that every person must have experienced shoulder surfing in public spaces, where they must have noticed that someone is watching over their shoulder to see what they are viewing on their mobile phones. This is really a bad habit and it has to be rectified by informing each and every person.

In my case I was in a public space wherein I was watching an appropriate video while muting the sound so that I would not cause any disruption. Additionally the brightness of my phone was really low. It was really difficult to see what I am viewing on my phone unless the women had deliberately shoulder surfed to see what I was was watching. This definitely needs to considered as an invasion of privacy.

I believe nobody has the right to peak inside your phone screen unless you have allowed it. Nobody has the right to see what is on other persons phone screen unless the device owner is okay with that. Irrespective of whether the person's phone screen is bright as the sun or the device is on full volume, nobody should sneak inside other person's phone. It is a question of integrity. It is something we should implement ourselves. We should not peak inside someone else's device. Additionally we should not allow any person to peak inside our own device.

It may sound very simple, but it is very difficult to implement because of the human nature - mainly the curious nature. Bright light quickly attracts our attention. Noise to would quickly fuel our curiosity. We may look in the direction of the device driven by our instinct without even realising. However after that we should rectify our behavior, bind our curiosity, and we should turn away from other's device.

This behaviour goes both ways. I believe we should start training ourselves to prevent ourselves from viewing someone else's screen. I completely understand that we may not be able to control or prevent others from viewing our screen but we should try to implement certain measures to avoid attracting unnecessary attention. By my experience of watching cat video on the bus I have learnt my lesson that I should not watch anything interesting in the public space which would attract the attention. Yet I completely understand that I would need to make phone calls or I would need to check text messages while I am in the public space. I may not control others' behaviours towards me and I cannot stop them from watching my phone screen. Yet if I notice someone viewing my phone then I simply cover my phone screen. At the same time I definitely control my curiosity in the public space and don't peak at anybody else's device. This is an etiquette that I have taught myself and try to implement it as well.

I hope you put find this helpful and would start implementing today itself.

A couple days ago I visited my cousin. My nephew who is around 16 years old was also present with us. It was evident that he was only physically present, maybe because his parents asked him to be there with me. He was not interested in any conversation and was constantly glued to his phone. He did not even look up for more than 20 seconds. He did not participate in any conversations or responded to any questions with his complete attention. It felt as if his entire world is within his hands. That was the only world that existed for him and the real world did not matter to him. I felt really bad for him as well as for his parents. This encounter led me to think about another digital etiquette: Start the screen timeout.

Reducing the screen time is an absolute need of the hour. Anywhere we go we see that not only children but adults too are constantly looking at their phones. I see people in the restaurant sitting across the table, not speaking but watching their phones. The only time that they would probably keep their phones down is when the food arrives and they need to use both their hands to consume the food. Otherwise I have seen a lot of people looking at their phones even while eating. While seeing the phones people would not even realise if they have eaten food or insect, that is the condition of addiction to the mobile phones today.

What we need to implement is at least 10 minutes of screen free time. In this time you may do a lot of things such as meditating, reading a book, reading a newspaper, chatting with the people around you, or just sitting in Silence without the screens. Just 10 minutes without the screen will definitely make a lot of difference. You will find that your eyes are getting less strained. Your constant neck and back pain would start reducing. Your attention span would improve. You will actually make connection with the people around you.

A suggestion towards the implementation is for your family make a rule that the family lunch or family dinner is going to be a screen free time, you would be able to strike a conversation with your family members. You may actually enjoy the food that you are eating. You may share stories with your family members and definitely this time would be a fun time.

With less screen time children too would social skills. They would definitely know how to communicate with guest or strangers. They would learn patience. They will actually get to hear the stories from your childhood or interesting stories from their grandparents. They will make the memories that are different from there online activities.

I completely understand that mobile phones are now a necessity. We cannot function without our mobile phones because most task and activities definitely require a mobile phone. Hence I completely understand that we need to use mobile phone but at the same time are we making enough efforts to restrict our screen time? If we ourselves cannot restrict or limit our own screen time how can we expect our children to not be glued to the phone? Children look at ss and imitate what we do. If they see their parents constantly on the phone then they would definitely considered it to be normal.

Hence I request to start practicing at least some screen free time in your life. Start with 10 minutes and then go on increasing it. You will see the benefits of it within a very short time. You will have better health and better family life.

Place: Office
Time: 3:30 PM
One of my younger colleague walks in. She stands next to my desk looking at me, "did you see my post today?" She asked me. This is when I was completely engrossed with my work and registering the question that she had asked me. Finally when I had understood her question I replied, " no I haven't yet. It has been a crazy day today. I'll see that later".
"Do you follow me on Instagram?" Another question from her.
"I really don't know. I am not much on social media," I responded thinking that social media for her is as casual as it is for me. But I was wrong. My colleague looked visibly hurt and offended. She said okay and walked off.

Few days later the same question was asked me by one of my nephews. My response was the same and he said that he needed to "educate" me on the rules of social media. According to him it is the standard rule of social media that if someone follows you then you are required to follow them back. If someone "likes" your post then it is your moral responsibility to like their posts as well. It is almost like a mandate. To me it was a bizarre rule. Then he said to me, "no wonder you guys keep losing so many friends and followers".

Despite him telling me about the apparent new generation rule of social media it still is bizzare to me. And here is my justification why I do not support "follow for follow" or "like for like".

On social media I follow only those people/accounts whom I really admire or I follow those accounts that are educational. No wonder my follow list is really short. But that is completely my choice. No one can tell me what I have to do with my account or profile. So at the end I will follow only those accounts in which I am genuinely interested.

Second, like for like is equally strange to me. Liking a post is optional and completely is a choice. It is not an obligation. I will like the post which I actually found useful or pleasing. I would not click "like" on a post only because they had liked my post. As I said it is a choice and not an obligation.

Now coming to the next aspect. What about people who follow me or like my post? I did not ask anybody to follow me or like on my posts. All my followers have started following me on their own accord. Hence I believe that neither they have any obligation towards me nor I have any obligation towards them.

Unfortunately currently we are living in the world where social media drives the relationships. I have seen the end of some of the friendships because of not showing enough love on social media. I have seen ending of multiple relationships because one of the partners was not ready to post their partner on social media. It is really unfortunate that social media is becoming the driving factor for retention or breaking of relationships.

Let me end this rant by stating an etiquette for the digital era: Your character is forever and social media is temporary. Stay in the reality and not in the cyberspace.