Feeling old

Last night I was watching a reel where the host asked various people, when they felt that they had grown old. I listened to various answers. This made me think about the whole question.

When was the first time I felt that I have grown old?

I was 18 years old. I had gone for a family event. I went to meet one of my aunts who was holding a baby. She looked at me and told the infant, "see that is your grandaunt". I was shocked to hear that. I could not believe I was a grandaunt to someone at the age of 18. When I enquired, I was informed that the infant's grandmother was one of my distant cousins and hence I was the grandaunt to the baby. We all had a hearty laugh. But that moment I did not feel old.

When I was 23 years old, one of my friends gave birth. When I went to meet her, she told the neonate, "see that is your aunt". I was expecting. That too did not make me feel old.

When I turned 30, my colleagues (who had been elder than me), asked me to deliver a speech in front of the whole team about how I felt while entering the decade of 30s. I did not hesitate for a single moment to deliver a bizzare hilarious speech. It did not feel embarrassing to me when everyone knew what my age was. Again at that time I did not feel old.

Few years later I was going home. I saw a few kids playing cricket. The ball landed near my feet. One of children cried, "aunty, please pass the ball". I picked up the ball and threw it towards the kid. This was the first time when a kid had called me 'aunty'. I did make me reflect, but it did not affect me. I still did not feel old.

When I was 36 I noticed my first grey hair. That silver grey strand stood like a sore thumb. I stared at myself and that grey strand in the mirror, thinking what to do next. That one hair strand made a little sad. It was when I accepted my fate. I had accepted that maybe I was growing old and the biological signs indicated so.

When I found the answer to the question I felt a little relieved. At the same time it asked me more questions than happily accepting the answers. Why are we obsessed with age and aging? Aging is a natural process which would happen irrespective of whether we accept our age. But still whenever there is a topic about age and aging, I have observed that people get offended and defensive towards the age. "I am still young" or "I am not that old" is the argument every time. But is that needed?

Sometimes age shows in physical form while other times it shows in behavior. Irrespective of how it looks on me, I am okay with accepting my age. Maybe I am old enough to understand that.