Anonimo
behind my smile
I have been pretending to be okay for soo long that i almost believed it myself.
On the outside, everything looks normal . I wake up, i go to classes, i laugh with friends, i reply to messages, i post like nothing is wrong. But inside,i feel tired. Not the kind of tired that sleep can fix, but the kind that comes from carrying too many thoughts at once.
I worry about my future constantly. Everyone around me seems to have a plan. They know what they want to become, where they want to go, who they want to be. I am still figuring it out. I smile and say i have it all sorted, but truth is i am scared. Scared of failing, scared of disappointing my parents, scared of being left behind while everyone else moves forward.
Sometimes i scroll through social media late at night and compare myself with others. Their lives looks perfect, happy, successful. Mine feels messy, uncertain, incomplete. I know comparison is toxic, yet i cannot stop.
I miss the old days when life was simpler. When happiness was a cricket game in the evening, when worries ended before dinner, when we did not have to think about careers, money and responsibilities. I wish i could go back, even for a day.
There are things i never told anyone. How many times i cried silently after pretending to be strong. How many nights i stared at the ceiling thinking about everything and nothing. How badly i want someone to actually ask if i am really okay and stay to listen to the answer without judging.
I am not writing this for sympathy. I am writing this because i needed a place where, my identity stays hidden, where i can finally be honest without fear. If you are reading this and you feel the same, please know you are not alone. There are many of us walking around with invisible weight, smiling through chaos.
Maybe we are all just trying our best. Maybe being confused, scared and tired is also part of growing up. Maybe one day this confusion will make sense.
Until then, i will keep trying. One day at a time. One small step at a time. Even if nobody sees it, i know i am trying, and maybe that is enough for today. I hope tomorrow feels lighter, kinder, softer, and if not tomorrow, then someday soon, because i still believe good things will eventually find me somehow today.
When the weight of pretending to be okay feels too heavy, do you
Your vote is final.
This is so true! Also it feels too much difficult to cope up with this tiredness. No way to fix it at that particular time. But only thing healing is the time will pass by and a new day a hope will show up
This feels incredibly honest and relatable. I love how you captured the kind of exhaustion that isn’t always visible to others, and how confusing growing up can feel when everyone seems to have their life figured out. The ending is especially comforting—it reminds us that we don’t need to have everything solved at once. Sometimes, simply continuing to try, one small step at a time, is enough. 🤍
The part about being tired in a way that sleep can’t fix really stood out to me. Sometimes everything can look completely normal from the outside while your mind is dealing with so much more. I think a lot of people can relate to that feeling.